If you are still having trouble getting your resolutions to stick, check out the full transcript of the conversation our Director of Training, Lin Tan had when she went on air with CNA938 just before the New Year! We’ve highlighted all of Lin’s tips and advice and we hope you enjoy the fun interview below!
Yasmin Jonkers:
All right, listen. You want to make all these resolutions, but are you actually going to stick to them? We have Lin Tan with us, Master Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation and senior coach and trainer at CCI with us. How many things do you coach my dear? Good morning, Lin.
Lin Tan:
Good morning, Yasmin. Good morning, Arnold.
Yasmin Jonkers:
How are you? You’re very busy. Do you make new year resolutions?
Lin Tan:
I do resolutions all the time, not only during new year.
Arnold Gay:
Are you successful all the time as well?
Lin Tan:
When I feel like it, when I feel like something different needs to happen. Am I successful? I choose the ones that I know that really mean something to me.
Arnold Gay:
So you’re realistic and also they have to motivate you, I suppose.
Lin Tan:
They have to resonate.
Arnold Gay:
Okay. What’s your latest resolution then?
Lin Tan:
To get back into shape.
Yasmin Jonkers:
Hey, you just heard her and you’re asking this question. This is a little intrusive.
Arnold Gay:
You didn’t have to tell me the most personal ones. To get back into shape? You look fine, but okay, that’s a good goal.
Yasmin Jonkers:
You’re a very beautiful woman.
Lin Tan:
Because I just gave birth eight months ago and we kind of get out of shape after we give birth.
Arnold Gay:
So I hear.
Yasmin Jonkers:
I wouldn’t have known. Okay. So why do we make resolutions in the year Lin?
Lin Tan:
I think it’s along the line of-
Yasmin Jonkers:
Of a myth?
Arnold Gay:
Just remember, Yasmin is a skeptic, okay?
Lin Tan:
So, put aside a knee jerk reaction to New Year resolutions. It pretty much reflects how human beings are always on a path of change, right? We always are wired to look for something new, something different, something more exciting. We’re in our comfort zone all the time but we’re always looking out. And that’s kind of why we decide to set a resolution or a wish or a desire or a goal, many different terms.
Arnold Gay:
So can you get too comfortable in your comfort zone such that you don’t want to make new year resolutions?
Lin Tan:
It’s possible I think.
Yasmin Jonkers:
He’s implying I don’t improve ever.
Arnold Gay:
Okay, so a desire for change, but I want to bring the point you made as well, how you have to be realistic, how it has to resonate. So I would assume that this varies from individual to individual, right? So what will be the first step if you want to make a New Year resolution?
Lin Tan:
Well, to look within. A lot of times, we set goals around what we should be doing. Like, I should manage my money better, I should lose weight, I should get a new job or finally get a new job. I should, I should, I should. So, there’s a lot of ‘shoulds’ and that’s almost like what I think I’m expected to have or to be, it’s almost like ‘outside-in’ goals.
Arnold Gay:
So in a way, it’s public and it’s a bit of peer pressure in a way as well, yeah?
Lin Tan:
Yeah. Society pressure to fit in, but then if we want something that really sticks, we should look from within, what really means something to me. Like, if I had to spend the next one year really working on this, what would that one thing be? So, people can sometimes be quite ambitious. I want to do or change five different things. Just choose one really important thing.
Arnold Gay:
Okay. Is there any particular reason why the new year is the time that people do this? You just said basically you do it all year round, but new year seems to be the most popular.
Yasmin Jonkers:
It’s the fashion magazines telling you to do this.
Arnold Gay:
Is that really?
Yasmin Jonkers:
Yeah, it’s because you’re told, right?
Lin Tan:
I think it’s just become that way and then people fall into this expectation that, “Oh, it’s New Year, I need to set something.“ But then again, I guess people are just more excited about what the next year could be. How do I use this opportunity to maybe inspire myself or motivate myself to look for something different?
Yasmin Jonkers:
Quite like this. So I’m thinking, if we turn our resolutions, is it a problem with being too lofty, and that’s the reason why we don’t tend to keep our resolution possible?
Lin Tan:
We’ve got to-
Yasmin Jonkers:
Like you say, look deep inside and tone it down a little bit.
Lin Tan:
Yes. Aligning it to a value would help. So, for example, if I want to lose weight because I want to look good, I want to fit into a dress, that may not be strong enough because when the going gets rough, hey, I’d rather say go have dinner with my friends.
Yasmin Jonkers:
And then you’ve just had a child. What if you said I want to be a better mom? What is the metric to measure what a better mom is?
Lin Tan:
You nailed it, right? It’s about what it means for you. Maybe it’s about being a better parent, maybe it’s about integrity to my body. So, it’s a value that you attach to the goal and when you do that, when it gets tough, you know what you’re doing this for. It’s less of the outcome, more of the change within.
Arnold Gay:
So it’s intrinsic?
Lin Tan:
Yes.
Arnold Gay:
As opposed to public pressure?
Lin Tan:
Yeah. Or numbers like, “Okay, if I drop 8kg I’m successful.“ But sometimes we can get there faster without feeling like we earned it, and then we feel like, “Ah, man.“ We could actually lose 4kg out of 8kg but we worked really hard and it’s the intrinsic change that then makes us feel like, hey, I-
Arnold Gay:
So it has to be driven internally, I get that point. But even so, when you do something like that, you must have some points along the journey that you say, “Oh, this is just not worth it“, right? So what advice would you give to someone who wants to stick to it, but will come across moments of weakness and will feel as though he or she will want to give up.
Lin Tan:
Yeah. It’s all in the planning or the dreaming phase before that. So when you set a goal, you have to bear in mind two things are going to happen, disruptions and distractions. And when you set your goal up with that in mind, you’re almost sort of preparing yourself that this is what’s going to happen, but is this important enough for me to stick to? So it would be a trap or people fall into the trap of ‘I want to set up a goal’, but then they disregard all these external circumstance circumstances that are bound to come in.
Yasmin Jonkers:
Okay. Apart from the double Ds of disruption and distraction, would it help to physically put up reminders like in your car, use post-its and things like that, white board.
Lin Tan:
Yes. And telling your friends, your colleagues, your bosses, your parents, your kids.
Yasmin Jonkers:
So there’s a shame factor. Some people are negatively motivated.
Arnold Gay:
Yeah, I suppose that’s right. So this suggests as well, that you could have a partner in terms of making new year resolutions. So the both of you want to lose weight, the both of you want to look better.
Yasmin Jonkers:
You can team up with Lin. Both of you want to do gym stuff, right?
Arnold Gay:
Yeah, it works for me, you want to bodybuild? My new year resolution is to join the Mr. Universe contest.
Yasmin Jonkers:
Because Arnie Gay is going to turn to Arnie Schwarzenegger at some point, that’s the plan.
Arnold Gay:
That’s a good example of a totally unrealistic and not really intrinsically driven goal or resolution.
Yasmin Jonkers:
I have a question for you Lin Tan, who’s the master certified coach and coach of all coaches. Tell us about the people who come to you towards the end of the year and try to broach this subject of new year resolutions.
Arnold Gay:
Do you have clients who actually do that? Hey Lin, I want to hire you-
Yasmin Jonkers:
He’s fishing.
Arnold Gay:
Help me stick to my new year resolution.
Lin Tan:
They don’t phrase it that way but yeah, anybody who comes to coaches are looking for some kind of change.
Yasmin Jonkers:
Okay. What are their main concerns about new year resolutions and do they sort of still believe they have to make them?
Lin Tan:
I think the people who look for coaches are already driven to a certain degree. Maybe it’s around just choosing the right goal or doing it right.
Arnold Gay:
So out of 10 clients that you have, how many have been unrealistic and you’ve had to help them adjust their goals?
Lin Tan:
Always.
Arnold Gay:
Always? Every single one?
Yasmin Jonkers:
I want to be like Sharon Stone and get a date on Bumble.
Lin Tan:
Because when we set up a goal, we’re not in it yet, right? We haven’t achieved it yet. So we can only guess. We can only estimate. We can only say this is the plan, this is what it could look like. But when you’re in the thick of things, you have new data, you have new information and then you might need to pivot. So maybe tightening it a little bit or spacing it out.
Arnold Gay:
So what’s the most unrealistic goal that you had to dissuade your clients from taking up?
Yasmin Jonkers:
Trying to get Sharon Stone on a date via Bumble.
Lin Tan:
Wanting to earn a million dollars.
Arnold Gay:
Three years without having ever set up a business. Where’s the money going to come from?
Yasmin Jonkers:
Ouch. Even I feel pain hearing that resolution. I am so happy we get to meet you on the final day of 2019, thank you for being here in the studio with us. Lin Tan is a Master Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation, ICF-
Arnold Gay:
So you’re going to make a resolution now?
Yasmin Jonkers:
… and senior coach and trainer at CCI. I don’t know, I mean I’ve got her number, right?
Arnold Gay:
What do you do with clients like that?
Lin Tan:
Have longer conversations.
Arnold Gay:
Have longer conversations.
Yasmin Jonkers:
Happy new year, Lin.
Lin Tan:
Thank you. Happy new year.
